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Canadian Infertility Awareness Week

Content warning - Infertility.

Buckle up, this is a rough one. 

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mum. I love kids, and always loved working in childcare. When I got married, it was something very important to both of us. But now, I'm 35, and not anywhere close to being a mum. In fact, I haven't ovulated in close to 2 years.

To back things up a little more, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) when I was in high school. It affects 1 in 10 women, and causes a wide array of symptoms, including infertility, Anxiety (which went undiagnosed for close two decades) and various other hormonal challenges. Those of you who have met me in person will have noticed some of the fun physical traits that go along with it, specifically thinning hair. If high school isn't hard enough, try losing your hair during the process!

One other thrilling physical attribute of PCOS is carrying weight around the mid section, at times making me look pregnant, which couldn't be further from the truth. Casual remarks or mistakes really sting, however innocent or misguided, and speak to the ever prevalent fatphobia in our society that people feel the need to find out "what's wrong with you" or make assumptions... but that is for another blog post!

Anyway, despite growing up knowing this, I still always thought that having kids was meant to be a part of my journey, and that it would happen, but obviously something like ovulation needs to happen in order to even start that journey.

I'm at a stage of my life where friends and family left, right and centre are all having kids, and while I'm thrilled for them, it's a constant reminder that it still hasn't happened for me yet. I've had to even stop attending baby showers, because I just can't face them. One of the things I've learned from therapy is that I am allowed to feel my feelings, so I have stopped trying to put on a brave face for someone else and just remove myself from the situation instead.

So why am I telling you this? Well, it is Canadian Infertility Awareness Week, which is aiming to facilitate conversations around a still somewhat taboo subject, despite 1 in 6 Canadians experiencing fertility problems. This year's theme is "Find Your Joy", which I am trying my best to do - sometimes by even wearing a mood boosting outfit, such as today's. The colour for CIAW is green, which symbolizes life, growth, health and fertility, so I've worn my brightest green. But as Kermit thee frog says, it's not easy being green. He also asks why there "are there so many songs about Rainbows?", which is another part of the fertility journey that affects just as many if not more.

I know that this is not everyone's goal in life either, so I want to acknowledge those who choose not to be on this journey. You are loved. I am hopeful that my journey is still far from over, and in the mean time I have been working on not tying my self worth to the ability to carry a child. It does not make me, nor anyone else any less of a woman, nor any less worthy of taking up space in this world.

I'm going to be seeing a fertility specialist soon, but I wanted to share a snippet of my story, if nothing else than to let others out there know that you are not alone. You are loved. 

Be kind to yourselves out there.

Finding Joy!


Dress by Made590

Tights by Snag

Shoes by Rollie via Ketch Shoes

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